so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
