The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
