i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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