I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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