I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
