never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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