On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
