Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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