Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
