I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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