had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
