It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Vodka?
Forever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
