My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
