i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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