Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
