Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
