i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
