Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are we still banned from the library?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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