According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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