yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
