you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
