Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
