just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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