Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
