So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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