I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
