Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
