Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
