Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
