PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
