cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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