Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
