There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
