She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
