You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
