I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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