Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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