Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I showed him my bush... on skype.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
