woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
