help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have tasted many bathrooms
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
