I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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