Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
