Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
