"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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