i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
