Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
