so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
