my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
