i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
