were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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