i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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