he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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